From Stef

It's taken me a while to eventually post this blog, namely cos I've been putting it off. How can you put into words how you feel on the "anniversary" of a friend's death. Well for me it's insanely hard. I can't express how often I dream about Max, the reoccuring nightmares and the sadness I feel every day for his parents and sister. I think it was these feelings that led me to go to Cadiz on the 26th to lay flowers and just be somewhere that I felt connected with him.

The day of the 26th I went to the spot he fell and lay flowers for everyone within our "crew" in Spain. Jo, Cheryl, Marina, Rob, Gary, Simon, Myles, Andrew, Tom, Salina, Goertz and Peter. I won't lie, it was such a low moment, after Max's death… I returned to Cadiz, and I did have times when despite having other friends I felt lonely. Being on the sea front, watching the waves, hearing the locals walking past and crying alone brought back all the memories - all the sadness that felt from having lost a very special person. I can't describe my pain, sadness, tears and anger. But at the same time I had the weird sensation that I was at least in a place that I could relate to Max.

After the hour I stayed at his "spot", I walked to his old flat, looked up at his balcony and couldn't hold back the tears. To me, looking up at his balcony and seeing his curly head appearing or seeing his hand with his token ciggie hanging over the balcony was standard.. And so returning there was incredibly painful.. But again I felt I needed to be there, in a place that I could relate to Max, and not back home where I'd be frustrated or isolated with my feelings.

I think about him every day, and honestly can't understand why such a vibrant and colorful person was taken away from us. He was such a vital ingredient to the Erasmus experience for me… I feel that when he went, the "glory" years of Viva Cadiz went with him.

Love Stef (his friend from Cadiz) x x x

To Max

It's been almost exactly a year since I expected you to turn up at my house in Barcelona for a break from Cadiz as we'd arranged, and almost exactly a year since I found myself writing on this blog with tears in my eyes.

I wish we'd had that week.

It's difficult to look at the photos on this blog without smiling to myself or shaking my head in thought of what was going on at the moments in which those photos were taken and remembering the kind of person you were and will always be in my mind, how could I ever forget, you made me laugh. A lot.

And as Owen said, I wish I could still make you laugh too. Maybe I still am.

It's difficult to look at them without a tear in my eye as well.

As tragic, unbelievable and sad your passing was, you always seem to bring a smile to my face when I remember.

What a quality. An eternal quality.

Unfortunately I wasn't able to be there at the Irish last weekend with everyone, but I have been back to London a few times. Been to see your tree, I know you're impressed with it.

I've seen the boys on a few occasions too.

I've walked through the park a number of times when I've been back in the UK and to know that I won't see you around there or out in Spain still feels like there's lots of unfinished business.

For a guy that had so much more to give, you still managed to give so much to so many people.

More than some people do in a whole long lifetime.

When I think of the petty, mediocre things that go on in this world you remind me of what's important.

Thanks Max, we had lots of good times. I wish we could have more.

It was always fun and you're always living on and inspiring me in my thoughts.

Your friend always,
David Wilson