It is friday afternoon and I have just finished work. It is a beautiful day today so i decided to buy a can of coke and go to the park. I sat down by the band stand, where we always sit. I opened the coke and took my fags out of the pouch of my filthy overalls. I have sat there all my life. I stared at the winter walk way where it had become second nature to see Max trooting down towards me. Sunny days have been put in a bottle and thrown to sea, i guess there is a tiny hope that someone will find the bottle and come and help. He still can make me laugh when i remeber funny stories, however I can't make him laugh no matter how hard I try. I want to help him, but end up feeling useless and stupid. I find it hard to look at photos and then feel guilty for not wanting to look at him. My thoughts rarely drift from his side, and i feel stange to know that death must have brushed past me on its way to Max. I get angry that death could of left us alone and let us get on with our trouble free adventure. But guess what it turns out that life IS unfair and it doesn't have time for anyone, no matter how many good deeds you have done that day. If you can take anything from this mess, it is the realisation that you really do get only 'one shot'. And we have still got ours no matter how bleak it seems, we are still hanging on to its coat tales.
Lots of love Owen.
ps, can all the heads in
3 comments:
Owen, what you have said here is so true. Not a day goes by when I dont think about what has happened and how all our lives have changed. I think about everyone in Queens Park a lot. My walk to work has become Max time. I spend the whloe time with my head in the clouds wondering where he is now. These sunny days are days that Max would love. I have found myself watching a lot of football but its hard to watch without Max.
Lots of love,
Sophie
I always think of Max in the morning, when i make my food and on the way to work....i cant help it...i have a ten minute walk to the bus, a 20 minute bus ride and then im at work and i have to kind of G myslef up..."ok, cmon now...another day".
O its true...we can't make him laugh anymore and that is so hard...and i never thought about death as brushing past all of us but i guess it is true...it must have...but it hasn't really left us alone either...it has scarred us all now and all we can do is get up for another day, think of Max and remember what we loved about him...and that is a never ending process. Ize.xx
It gets easier O, I promise.
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