From Jessie

I have wanted to write something on this blog for nearly a year now. That sentence in itself is almost unbelievable, because it means it is nearly a year since I, or anyone, last saw Max. Part of the reason I have not done so is because losing him and missing him has been expressed so beautifully and eloquently by all of his family and friends, and I wasn’t sure that I could add anything. Part of the reason I haven’t is because Max was my younger brother’s friend, and I saw my role as being there for Jay, rather than expressing my own feelings of loss.

Over the past week I have been thinking about Max, and missing Max a lot. Jay and I have grown up with Zara and Isaac, our parents are best friends, and we have known each other forever. Although I did not go to Hampstead School, or live in Queen’s Park, the area and the unique community around the park has always been a large part of my life.

When we were kids and really up until the past year, there was always a kind of separation between Zara, me and our friends being the older sisters, and Jay, Ize and their friends being the younger brothers. As with most teenagers, this divide seems huge, and at the time you could never even imagine hanging out with your smelly younger brother and your sad older sister!

However, when you grow up a bit and everyone gets past a certain age, these differences start to disappear; before you even have a chance to question it– you are all adults and embarking on your own lives.

In the past year, the gap between all of us has closed. In September this year Zar and I and the boys, went on an amazing trip to America and had so much fun together. We all missed Max, and in true Max style, we lived it up and partied hard in LA, San Diego and Vegas, as he would have done… he would have been proud! Part of the reason for the trip was Max, to celebrate his life, and for his friends to have something positive in a year, which for the most part was so deeply tragic.

What I am most sad about, and what I have been thinking over the past few days is that Max was becoming one of my friends. I did not get a chance to get to know him in the way I have gotten to know the others. I have been thinking about our trip to America and the weekends in Norfolk, all of the times over the past year we have spent together, and willed and wished him to have been there.

The last time I saw him, a year ago, was just before he was going back to Spain. We were out partying, celebrating Owen’s birthday, all of us in a big group together, when the gap was beginning to close. He managed to be the most charming and wildest of the group, and immediately took on the role of the joker – centre stage – with such style and ease.

Max was so much fun to be around, and always added something to anything (even if it was some sort of drama!) I can only say that I am sure he would have been a unique, amazing friend, as he was to all of you boys and everyone who knew him. I am just sad that I only got a taste of that friendship, and wish I could have shared more times like that last time, with him.

Jessie Mond Wedd
11/01/2007

Us in America