Memories of Max

My memories of Max are more like a series of pictures: a blonde, curly-haired, smiley, funny and lanky boy. In my mind he's either playing football in Queen's Park, or at a gathering in one of the Queen's Park/Hampstead school hangouts (the Irish, The Old Black Lion, The Long Room.) I also think of him at school, the long Spanish lessons we had together, when Max always seemed to effortlessly (and frustratingly) do so well and, even with his broad English accent could string a sentence together much better than most of us. I hear his wacky insults, which made me smile and that I imagine were used more to make people laugh, than cause anyone real offence!

I wish I could have seen more of Max since the Hampstead days. When he died I hadn't seen him for a few years. As does sometimes happen, I was one of the drifters who went from seeing myself as 'one of the crowd' to a bit more of an outsider, but one who liked and still likes nothing better than to be reunited with my friends.

I always used to love coming back home from uni and seeing everyone from school, usually for one drunken evening at the pub. And Max would usually be there with a jolly greeting along the lines of 'Yes Bridie!' (For some reason that's always what I hear when I think of him!) Even if we might not spend ages chatting, I felt comfortable in Max's presence and it was always clear that he was a much loved and central part of the crowd.

I can remember one time, I think I must have been back from uni for the weekend or during the summer holidays, Max and I bumped into each other on Salusbury Road. We both stopped and shared a quick cuddle, which was always a rather awkward feat, given our difference in height! We had a chat, one of those ones where you have to condense everything you've been doing over the last year or two into a few minutes. But I can remember thinking how sweet and charming he was and how good looking and that, even though we'd only spoken to each other for a short time, I totally felt like he had time for me and wasn't just chatting with me out of politeness.

I have another memory of one of his birthdays at the Irish. Once we'd all been turfed out of the pub onto the street, a load of people crowded round Max and gave him the birthday bumps. I want to giggle when I think about it. Sometimes I wonder whether I imagined it, because none of my friends seem to remember, but I reckon we were all pretty drunk at the time which could explain the memory loss!

Max was and still is an intrinsic part of the group of boys my girlfriends and I used to swoon over and would often refer to as 'The Queen's Park Boys'. I still catch myself saying his name when I talk about them. His name just is naturally there on the tip of your tongue whenever you mention Owen, Isaac, Louis and Dash.

When I heard Max had died I found myself refusing to believe it at first. I suppose, without thinking about it, I always assumed we were all invincible. As my friend Renne cried on the other end of the phone, all I could manage were a few words, some vain attempts to comfort her and expressions of my own immediate feelings of shock and sadness and disbelief. The moment Max's death became real to me was just before his funeral, when I was stood in the middle of the huge crowd gathered outside his house. It was impossible not to be beset by my own sadness and the sadness of those around me.

I can remember the procession around Queen's Park and how overwhelmingly sad it was to watch Max's family and closest friends walk behind his coffin. I could only imagine how they felt and feel, but hope that they were and are able to gain even a small amount of comfort from the sheer volume of Max's friends that came to share in their grief at the loss of their son and brother and best friend on such an immensely difficult day.

If there's one thing Max's life and death have taught me it's not to take anyone for granted and to appreciate loved ones and old friends you might once have passed in the street. It's taught me to stop and say hello, even if it's just for a few minutes, life is too short not to.

I will always remember Max as a smiley, energetic, hilarious and sweet guy, a real gentleman and I really do feel happy to have known him and loved him in my own way.

My thoughts are with Max's family and closest friends especially at this time; Owen, Isaac, Louis, Dash, Rosie and everyone else also. I'm sending you all love and positive thoughts.

Rest in peace Max.

Love Bridie xx