From Holly

Despite having fancied Max from afar since school when me and my friends used to watch all the older boys play football in the back cage, I can only say I've known him for the past few months. It's strange because it feels so much longer.

The first time I saw Max when he came back from Spain for Christmas I was at a party with my girlfriends. Max, Louis and Owen all bowled in after having been out at some club. Everyone was in a wicked mood and despite not knowing most of the people there we somehow managed to make the party all about us lot, bombarding the house with our Hampstead cockiness and causing havoc. The house had a huge collection of novelty teapots and I remember Max hurtling down the stairs and being amazed that nothing smashed. It was so much fun just being silly with Max, running around causing mischief but getting away with it because of his cheeky grin that made everyone instantly forgive him. I remember him running into the living room at one point and shouting that everyone hated him because he had pulled a girl that, unbeknown to him, he shouldn't have, then laughing and starting a play fight instead. That ended in him rugby tackling me onto a sofa, smacking my head on it and then feeling terrible about it for the rest of the holidays. I wasn't angry though, and we just ended up play fighting again later in the kitchen, knocking over empty wine bottles as he effortlessly put me on the floor squirming. We were the last ones at that party, as tended to be the way when you spent a night with Max. I remember him telling us that we were wicked girls and we all needed to go out together more often. I'm so happy that we actually made the effort to do that this Christmas, there seeming to be a party every few days giving us all an excuse to meet up and make memories that are now so valuable.

New Year's stands out, a night of pure madness with Max right at the centre of it, bouncing between friends and sweating it up to drum and bass in the basement of 333. We wouldn't have even been there if it hadn't have been for Max's powers of persuasion and his campaign to get everyone possible to come to Hoxton Apocalypse to see 2006 begin together. The night was like a rollercoaster ride of different bars, parties, houses, cabs. And everyone was so happy to be together, spending time with good people who appreciate each other. I'm so glad that everyone appreciated Max while he was here, I don't think a single person could not be charmed by him. By the end of the night we had ended up at Dash's house and whilst I was spinning out due to the night's excesses, Max was still going, up for it, sipping his champagne, calling Isaac in America, rushing around the kitchen until Murphy jumped up on him and left paw prints all over his new stripy jumper. Everyone else was shattered, trying to hold it together and not doing very well. Max was ready for more. It really doesn't feel right that there isn't going to be so much more of Max.

I can't believe he's not going to be coming back this Easter. So much everyone thought was possible has now been cut so short. It's so hard to understand. I don't want to believe that I won't see his grin or his curly head of hair coming towards me ever again. That's just too much. Max wrote 'hay que seguir tranquilo y veremos lo que pasa' in a recent email - 'we must remain calm and see what happens'. He said it didn't make any sense, probably so I wouldn't bother to translate it, but I think it makes perfect sense and am now trying to take his words on board to deal with all this. I suppose that's one of the most frustrating things: he is the only person I have really wanted to speak to throughout the last month.

I'm so thankful for the stolen moments I had with Max, for the way he made me feel, and for his honesty. As so many people have said, although he was always centre-stage at big nights out, there was definitely a much softer side to be seen. You could see him get lost in his head, anxious and vulnerable. When I asked him where he went he smiled and came back, asking me how I could see what he was thinking. I couldn't see what he was thinking but I could see his uncertainty. He said that what he liked about me is that I know what I want. Now I can't have what I want I don't feel like I know anything at all. His honesty is not something that you find often. It is not something I will be able to get over losing.

Thank you to the whole Queen's Park community that has expanded so much over the last month to embrace everyone who loved Max. The support has been amazing and will continue to keep everyone going, I'm sure. And thank you to Max for being an absolute gem, beautiful and lovely and so alive that I can still see you and hear you and feel you when I close my eyes.

Un beso grandissimo para ti! Mwah! Holly xxx